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Reflections

They say you never forget where you were when momentous events happen. I had only just walked into the office in Wilmington, DE when someone asked if I had heard the news. The one day that I listened to music and not NPR! I remember hugging a friend, we cried and said, "We're at war." I looked at her and said it felt wrong, I asked if she had ever read Failsafe.

Driving home the plane in PA went down. I heard about on NPR.

I couldn't call my father in Brooklyn, but my daughter was on the phone with him as the towers fell. I wondered if my oldest brother was okay, I knew he had to be near them that day.

I was 11, the towers were being built. It was snowing lightly and my mother held my hand as we watched the construction workers through the peep holes. The smells of NYC, snow, and her cigarette blended together and I told her no building would ever be taller than the Empire State Building. A building I truly loved.

Truth is, I hated the towers. They marred the skyline. Things were out of balance. I resented them. Most of my friends did, though we liked to trick out of towners into looking straight up at them from the ground. You always lost your balance when you did that.

Still, when they fell, I cried. My father was never the same after that day. My daughter and I say it was the beginning of him giving up on life. I lost six people that I know of in those buildings. Two of them firemen. There were probably others that I knew, simply because I grew up there and rode the subway with people who got off there. You know, the people you never know names for, but you smile each morning, exchange pleasantries about the weather and world events with while bumping along rhythmically on the trains. And probably people I went to school with too. The ones you knew long ago, lost touch with, and never looked back. Until that day.

People are still talking about revenge or avenging those who died. I wonder what they would tell us? I remember the an interview with the Dali Lama about the tragedy. He said he would want to sit down and just let Bin Laden speak. Just listen to what he had to say and try to understand why.

We have lost so many lives since that day in an effort to "get even" or whatever it is that wars do. But it hasn't brought back the buildings and more importantly, it can never bring back the lives of those who died that day. In NYC, in DC, in PA. Nor will it bring back the countless lives of those in Iraq or Afghanistan.

And the world has gone mad with anger now. Hatred is currency on the streets everywhere. I see it in the eyes of my students. Kids who have learned to hate an entire race because their parents still hate. Adults, who use September 11th as a means to justify hatred.

It just makes me sick. And extremely sad.

I had planned to go to the ocean today, to meditate, but the rain is making that impossible. There are flooded roads near the shore. I suppose the weather is just mirroring the hearts of many.

So, instead, I will sit quietly before I work, and meditate on peace and understanding.

Tags:

Looking for Balance

Or a few more hours in the day.

Okay, the stress of teaching two new classes that require lecture notes being created each and every week and the new quarter have met each other. Add to that the need to create a Flash presentation for work as well and you have a situation of not enough hours in the day.

So far I've managed to get parts of everything done.
The completed list is:


  • Mercer Notes done
  • Drexel Final project notes done and emailed
  • First discussion board for each class done
  • Outline for journal for course design done
  • Flash beginning done and first piece of scripting done

Still to do:
Taking a deep breath now and getting ready to do the Web for Mercer......three,two, one....bye

The Ten Commandments and the Courts

I've been reading lots about what the courts said (or didn't say, or sort of said, or was it implied?) this week about the two tablets. I finally found an article that actually summed up what I think they meant.

At least it implies that if it's tacky, it's American and so can stay.
As of this now my LJ is Friends Only. If you are not listed as one of MY personal friends, you will no longer see postings from me. If you think you should be on that list, email me and we can discuss it.

I'm sick and tired of feeling as though I'm being stalked by the past.

That is all.

It Keeps Happening

Just when you think it's safe to come out of the "broomcloset" --- The past finds you or your children.

What I don't get is why people insist on placing themselves on "friends lists" when they don't bother to contact the person they are "friending" and then just sort of hang out to read about your life. What's up with that? Okay, the past is done and over with, we all get that. But come on! If you're going to place yourself on someone's journal to have a look, don't you just think it's sort of rude to not contact the person first and introduce yourself? For example. tonight kitnicepaw asked me who is eponacrony as if I should know. Well, it didn't take long to figure it out. The question is why on earth is that person reading my son's LJ? He has no idea of who she is or why she would be interested in him. I'm at a loss to try and explain it to him myself.

People, if you want to contact us, try emailing first. Rudeness is just not cutting it. We're tired of feeling like we're in a "fishbowl" and on display. You know, the "tour" is LONG over and so is our connection with BS. We don't go looking for you, why do you insist on trying to find us?


*****two hours later*****

I'm still shaking and furious. These people are doing an electronic version of stalking. Hello????? You gave up the right to know what's going on in our lives in 1992. Deal with it. We don't want you in our lives just like you wanted us out of yours.

I'm too angry to write a decent paper tonight. Tomorrow I will be performing a Handfasting for people that care about us and people we care about. Better to go to sleep now and wake early and write for an hour or two I think.

If nothing else, we've learned how to take care of ourselves in the past 13 YEARS . Please just all go away now and leave us to our peaceful lives and we promise to continue to ignore you too.

Lemming Call

I found this terribly amusing. Then again, it's Friday and I'm stuck teaching Outlook for heavens sake! ANYTHING is amusing to me now:

You Are Absinthe!
You have a unique personality. Although most like you, sometimes you take some getting used to. You can be a bit strong. You are full of energy and sometimes flamboyant. You are the life of the party but if people are not careful you can knock them on their ass.

What Naughty My Little Pony Are You?

An Important Post

For those of you looking for your summer reading list...

Take a look at this

Have fun, after you get finished laughing and being angry.

Very Close Now..

I'm packed minus the last minute stuff in a few hours. I had a great day today. The PPT class that had all the earmarkings of disaster was great. All folks from the Art Museum and we just had a blast. Loved every minute of it. Came home, got my "networking cards" and bio for the colloquia this week. Ate and went to the ballet. It was lovely. Too bad J was sick and opted to be responsible and sleep before having to work. M invited a friend to join us last minute and it all worked out.

We stopped to get food and see J at work then it was home again, eat, emails, write checks and pay bills and pack. Whew!

Tomorrow I'll board the plane for MN and enter a whole new world. I was able to get into the "classrooms" today and get my first real glimpse of what I'm up against. Looks to be lots of work ahead, but i'm looking forward to it all. The course load will be intense but I don't think as bad as the MEd since it's spread over real quarters and not the accelerated programs I am so used to. Most assignments seem to have a two week time frame for the major work, and then discussion boards to respond to. I'll have a better idea in a few weeks I'm sure.

And now, to bed for a few hours of sleep before leaving for a week. I miss everyone here already, but the excitment of the beginning is winning out it seems.

I'll try to post while away, but.....

Tzipora Katz, M.Ed.

It's done. It's over. It's official. I just posted the very last of my homework for the degree.

And there's more to the day:

Thirteen years ago I wasn't able to buy my children a Happy Meal. EArlier this week I was able to help M with some bills while she gets herself back on track and today I was able to loan J the downpayment for his new car that he will be paying for. And I qualified for the loan on my own merit! I think I'm in shock.

The journey has been remarkable, filled with its share of bumps, detours, highs and lows. But you know what? In the end I can look in the mirror and say to myself that I did it. I acknowledge the help of my family (especially my Bear) and friends for their support, but I know that it was my working on the goal and keeping focused on it that did it in the end. So, with one leg of the journey now complete, I'm going to celebrate by taking more cold medicine and crawling into bed. The champagne will wait for later.

For the now, the smile on my son's face is reward enough.

Four More Days...

....and the MEd is over and done. I can't believe it!

Of course, I know logically that nothing is going to happen or change on that day, and I'll probably be a mess with no "homework" to keep me busy. Still, it seems almost impossible that only 13 years ago I thought I would never have anything to show for myself, no real job, no home, no partner, only myself and two very broken children.

Now, days away from a Masters, a great partner (who I never seem to give enough credit to!), two amazingly grown-up kids with very real lives of their own and a secure and wonderful home.

Life is really quite good.

I need to keep reminding myself that the last few months of running myself into the ground are over, and it's okay to relax now. Very soon, I know that things will change as new doors are opened for me.

Once again, to my family (bio and chosen) thanks for the belief and the support.